I don’t believe in god, but I believe in what Marilyn Monroe once quoted, “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when the are right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”.
About exactly 1826 days ago, i.e. 5 years ago, I started my first day as a biotech engineer, hoping to become a scientist, hoping to study my masters, hoping to do a Ph.D. I chucked all my options and took this course up, as it intrigued me, though people opposed me, though I knew it was gonna be hard, though I knew it was going to take time, though I knew it wasn’t a safe decision, though I knew that in my country; India, it didn’t have many prospects. But why did I take such a risk? Because I believe in doing what you love, I believe in living and not just surviving through a life, because I love challenges.
But, this isn’t what I am doing now. I am not working towards that goal anymore. So am I a hypocrite? Am I scared? Am I practical? To me, life and situations exist in shades. It just can’t be a right or wrong; like black and white; there are always shades of grey.
After my 4th year, I took my IELTS exam. I achieved a pretty good score; 8.0, which is considered to be a good score. I had a pretty decent academic performance too. I worked on a cancer research project for 8 months at NIzam’s Institute of Medical Sciences, Hyderabad. So I applied for my masters in Germany, feeling really really really confident. Why Germany? Because other countries were too expensive for me, and Germany’s education system is one of the best, and also it offers very less tuition fee, some universities even offer free education. So, I applied and I waited. It was a very long wait. I didn’t know that german universities took a lot of time to tell a student if they were admitted or not. So one by one, I started getting rejection letters, and finally I received my last rejection letter in the 3rd week of August, 2013. I was rejected by all the universities I applied to. My hope died. So, the next destinations was USA or Canada. But it is going to cost me a bomb, and it has already been an year since I passed out from my engineering. An year has been wasted. Was it?
Parallel screenplay writing is a very powerful tool in cinema. How many of you watched “The Godfather”? The analogy between the christening of the baby and the elimination of Don Micheal Corleone’s enemies is one of the best written and executed scenes in the global cinema. Likewise, there exists parallel screenplay in life too.
While all this was happening, I got an offer to shoot a documentary for an organisation. The pay wasn’t much but atleast I could earn something. That was my first PROFESSIONAL shoot. Then I got an offer to photograph from the same organisation. A month later, I was shooting a wedding film, my first. I thought it wouldn’t come out so good, but it did. I got compliments and suggestions. A very renowned wedding filmmaker from USA said I have a style, that is unique, and that boosted my confidence. So I accepted more, and then I shot 4 more wedding films for an event company. Before I started shooting weddings, I hardly attended any weddings. I never liked them, they used to be very boring, and so many aunties and uncles keep asking “em chestunaavu babu?”[what are you doing?] and “nannu gurthupattava?”[do you remember me?] and many other questions, which I found very annoying. But, when I started working as a cinematographer, there was a whole new dimension to it. To shoot weddings is a very challenging job. You don’t wanna screw the most important day of a couple, and their families. If you do; well, if any of you shoot weddings you know what I’m talking about, and those of you who don’t; well, you don’t want to be in that situation. Meanwhile, a very renowned photographer,[yes, he is pretty famous] was looking for interns. I applied to that job, showed him the first wedding film I shot, and then we met, I told him I’d be leaving to Germany, so this is just a part time thing, but still he took me in, and I took along another friend with me, who is pretty talented too. So both of us started working for him, and my first wedding shoot was a christian wedding!, and it was in Mangalore! Wow! It was a pretty big chance. I worked for him for another project, and then later I couldn’t work anymore because I didn’t possess a professional camera. Everytime he hired me, he had to rent one for me. But I was happy with what I learnt from him, and my mind was still in the “I’ll be going to Germany” state, so I was okay with it. While I was still waiting for my admission letters to reach me and also applying for 2 more universities, a previous colleague of mine offered me two wedding films. This time it was on my own. I had to do everything. I wasn’t just a cinematographer. I had to deal with the clients, had to hire an editor, another cinematographer, rent cameras, and be a cinematographer myself. It was all on me, now. I felt the heat. But, luckily I have talented friends who were readily available and were interested too. Who wants to forego money? :P. But this time it was different. The wedding films were different. Because they were ours, totally ours, and our style was present in them. Those wedding films proved why story telling is our passion. One client who was tremendously happy with her wedding films couldn’t stop raving. She said ” Such a beautiful and fab video… we just can’t stop watching …. I guess i might have watched it 50+ times already …. We can’t thankyou and praise you enough for the splendid job you have done”. She said that!
http://vimeo.com/60673392
After that, for a long time I couldn’t take up anymore projects. I was involved in applying to my universities, figuring out the bank loans, visa process, etc, assuming that I would be granted admission. But, I wasn’t. That’s when everything changed for me. I felt worthless, restless, I didn’t know what to do. I was dejected.I was angry.
But still my family was being supportive for me, and my dad asked me to start preparing for GRE and then go to USA. But, I lost the motivation I had for it. I had questions, many of them. So I questioned myself.
Now, I chucked all my plans I had before; to study masters; Ph.D; to become a scientist. I have decided to continue in the field of photography. I am good at it. Moreover, I have decided to become an entrepreuner.
I haven’t given up. I have just changed my plans. For better. Or for worse.
I still have my qualms about this, but I’m confident that I will excel at this. Sure, it’s gonna be a struggle, but it would be worth it at the end. Would it?
Wish me luck. I need it. It’s a new start. It’s going to change a lot about me.
If you want to hire me or just want to have a look at my photographs, visit
http://www.facebook.com/shanthanphotography.
About me : Oka manchi* photographer, cinematographer, designer, manishi**. I produce wedding films, photograph weddings, people, and anything that interests me, and I am a desig”nerd”.
*One good
**Human being
What do you see?
A view to see. 